


“goodbye” is so bitter (while “i love you” carries a far-off scent)

by thewoundupbird



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: AU, F/F, Korean War, Sort Of, Spies, Violet Evergarden AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-04-25 09:33:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14375997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewoundupbird/pseuds/thewoundupbird
Summary: Byulyi knew they called her a weapon, capable of changing the tide of the war.But she just called her Yongsun.





	1. First Meeting

Byulyi yawned into her hand, resisting the urge to rub at her eyes. She was leaning against the outside of a building in oversized clothes, making her gender ambiguous. It was dangerous for a girl to be out at this hour at night. At least for most girls.

Someone smacked the back of her head and she practically growled.

“Geez, would you take it easy!” she yelled, angrily turning to glare at the person who decided to pester her. Of course it was Ahn Hyejin, dressed in an almost laughably gaudy knee length fur coat with sharp eye makeup and bright red lipstick to boot.

“The show go well up North?” Byulyi grumbled, rubbing the sore spot with begrudging fingers.

Hyejin made a mischievous face.

“Got some good intel from the officers. Men really let their tongues run with alcohol in ‘em.”

Byulyi made an appreciative noise as she reached into her pocket, grabbing at her pack of cigarettes.

“We should report to Major Han then.”

They began to walk together, Hyejin’s arm looped through hers. From the back they looked like a couple, a scrawny looking man arm in arm with a luxurious looking lady. It was a cover that couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Is the North planning a second attack on Busan?” Byulyi asked quietly as she tried to light her cigarette, letting the lighter click rapidly in the late night.

Hyejin sighed and they paused as the other woman cupped the cigarette with a hand, carefully lighting it with the other.

“You don’t even smoke,” Byulyi observed with wonder, an eyebrow quirked in surprise.

“It’s a good trick. Lighting a man’s cigarette and getting him to look at your cleavage.”

“I suppose it makes sense that you’re one of the best intel gatherers we have for those Northern officers. They never seem to be able to say no to you.”

“Well they never can say no to Hwasa. Hyejin on the other hand would never give them the time of day.”

Byulyi pulled her cigarette away from her mouth, laughing quietly as they turned into an alleyway.

  
“Hyejin would leave them on the side of the road with their throats slit.”

A smiling blood red mouth was Byulyi’s reply.

They came to their destination, a seemingly inconspicuous battered back door of an abandoned building.

Byulyi pulled her cap lower over her eyes as she glanced behind them to make sure no one was watching. Heaving a quiet sigh, she tapped lightly twice with the toe of her foot.

One rap answered her.

In reply Byulyi leaned forward, pressing her mouth practically against the seam of the door.

“It’s me,” she breathed against the crack, feeling the splinters of the wood brush against her lips.

She felt the lock snap unlocked and Byulyi straightened quickly. Letting Hyejin enter first, she did one last careful glance at the city before entering in a blur of gray.

It was dark in their little headquarters. At least the first floor. The inside was a completely empty floor of what had once been a restaurant. A few tables were on their sides, gleaming with dust in the slivers of moonlight that seeped through the boarded up front windows. Byulyi sighed once before turning to Hyejin who was kneeling down in her heels, fumbling with the lock to the floor door of the basement. She finished the last of her cigarette before squishing it under her heel with a soft crunch. In the last bit of embers she could see the faint outline of a soldier standing against the door they had entered. She gave him a curt nod of acknowledgement and he bowed.

“If you wore your glasses, Hyejin-ah, you’d open it quicker.”

“It ruins my image, unnie,” argued Hyejin stubbornly as she successfully opened the padlock. Giving another glance at the soldier, Byulyi walked forward, stepping below to the little door of the cellar. She heard the soldier close the door behind them, so that they were submerged instantly in darkness. They both stood almost comfortably in the pitch blackness as Byulyi pulled her lighter from her pocket, snapping it a few times to get a flame.

“Why do you even smoke if you can barely light a cigarette?” wondered Hyejin in exasperation as she reached forward, snatching the lighter from Byulyi’s hand once again. In mere seconds the stairs leading deeper into the cellar were lit in a small orange glow. Offering her arm with a crooked smile, Byulyi led them down, deeper into the darkness.

The South Korean military had done quite a few things wrong during the onset of the War. But at least, a year into the conflict, they had managed to provide Byulyi and the soldiers she was working with a decent amount of security and secrecy with the hideout they had in Seoul. She wished she could say the same about the soldiers and civilians that were being slaughtered daily in the madness.

They reached the back wall of the cellar. Hyejin lifted the lighter up so that the smooth brick was illuminated in a faint glow. Byulyi slapped at the middle brick with an open palm sighing with a bit of impatience. So much damned work just to get to her report in before bed.

Suddenly the “wall” groaned, pulling back with a puff of chalky remains from the brick grinding against stone. Lit by the small flame was a familiar face.

“Wheein-ah,” Hyejin murmured with a smile as the other girl grinned at the both of them.

“You two took long enough. The Major was starting to get worried.” She stepped back a bit and let them through. Byulyi tried to ignore the way Hyejin paused, the two brushing against each other as Wheein looked up into the other woman’s face with a smile.

“It's good to see you. Three weeks up North as Hwasa was a little too long for me, Wheein-ah.”

Byulyi walked quickly away letting them have their moment.

The small headquarters had been hard to create in such a short notice. Byulyi recalled the sleepless nights she had spent with herself and Seulgi, kneeling in rubble and digging with bloody hands as Major Han had silently held a lighter. The rumble of bombs and gun shots had echoed above them with the occasional sprinkle of dust and wood showering down on their shoulders.

But as she glanced appreciatively at the wooden desk and tables filled with maps and scattered notes, she couldn’t help but feel a bit of pride. At least her efforts had amounted to something despite the suffering.

“Unnie.” Byulyi turned and smiled at Seulgi who was standing in front of the Korean map, a pencil tucked behind her ear. She was an invaluable cartographer who had been drawing useful geographical points at key battle locations.

“How was your trip up North?”

Seulgi grinned.

“Major Han said he hadn’t seen a hand as skilled as mine in quite some time. We were able to get a good assessment of the geographical layout of Kaesong along with the formations of some of the Northern troops there.”

“I was so disappointed that we didn’t get to have the trip together like we did in the old days.”

“Unnie, we had a trip together barely over a month ago!”

Byulyi shrugged playfully, stepping forward and helping adjust the glasses on the bridge of Seulgi’s nose.

“We need you to be able to see well, Seulgi-yah.”

The younger girl looked up at her and the warmth of her made something in Byulyi stir. She couldn't help but remember the tearful confession in the beginning of the War as she bled out from a gun shot wound to her side. Seulgi’s hands had been so red and it all had felt like the end.

_“Seulgi-yah…. do you think you could bring yourself to love someone like me?”_

“Unnie?”

“Haha, sorry. Guess I’m just tired.” Byulyi scratched the back of her neck, ignoring the way her face felt hot at how close Seulgi was standing. The rejection had been expected but seeing the other girl still made her feel a little raw.

“Major Han wants you in the back room, Byulyi-unnie,” Wheein chimed in from behind them.

“What is it this time?” she grumbled good-naturedly, earning a giggle from Seulgi.

“We brought something back with us from the North.” Major Han poked his head out from his office. Byulyi straightened at attention. Even though she wasn’t a soldier by name her father had taught her enough about military etiquette.

“Sir.”

“Hyejin-ah, give Wheein your report for her to transcribe. We can get Byulyi to deliver it in the morning.”

“Are you going to make me chase a train again?”

Major Han paused. He was usually an expressionless man, his hair always cut and his beard trimmed with not a wrinkle in place. However, he had a mischievous streak with his deadpan humor that always made Byulyi feel comfortable.

“Not if you don’t make me have to jump from a building again.”

“I had to jump from a bridge too! It wasn’t easy for any of us!”

Ignoring the titters of laughter from behind her, Byulyi crossed into Major Han’s office, closing the door.

The office was drab, a simple desk and a table filled with files and maps and special reports. Seulgi had suggested they make it in order to give the Major some privacy and Byulyi couldn’t refuse. It had just meant they slept on the floor of the main room huddled for warmth during that winter. Neither had complained.

“Seulgi and I brought something back from the North.”

“I heard.”

Major Han sighed.

“Seulgi doesn’t know what exactly it is and I thought it best to keep it that way.”

“It?”

Wordlessly the man walked behind the desk and started to drag a large crate that had been hidden from view. It was surprisingly large, almost up to her waist and as wide as half an arm span.

“How on earth did you get this in here?”

“Bribes and bullets.”

“You should have let me help.”

“I think we both wanted to make sure that Seulgi got past the garrison post safely.”

Byulyi bit her lip and said nothing, dropping her gaze to the crate before her. It was so close that she could almost touch the faded wood. Squinting, she realized that there was smeared dried blood across the side.

“Whatever you put in here had quite a struggle.”

“It took four people and a sedative.”

“Four people to put it in here?”

“Four people’s deaths. She killed people in the process of being subdued.”

Byulyi paused, frowning as she met Major Han’s eyes.

“She?”

Silently the Major took off his dark green military coat, draping it over his desk chair before getting to work on rolling up his sleeves.

“Draw your gun and keep it aimed at the crate. She’s heavily drugged but I fear she may still put up a fight.”

“If she tries to kill you, do I have permission to shoot?”

“I’m afraid her life is more valuable than mine according to higher ups.” Major Han lifted his chin toward a typed message on his desk. “‘The weapon must survive at all costs.’”

“The weapon?”

Major Han simply grunted as he lightly tapped at the crate with his shoe.

“Are you awake?”

Silence.

Byulyi drew her gun, pressing her back against the firm wood of the door as she trained her weapon on the now menacing box. Major Han picked up a crowbar that rested against the side of his desk.

“Shouldn’t we warn the girls?”

“I have faith that you’ll be able to subdue her in some form or another.”

Locking eyes with him, Byulyi nodded once and then Major Han ripped off one of the four boards at the top. The tension was thick in the room as they both waited. Slowly a pale white hand reached up, fumbling at the edge of the crate. Byulyi could see that the nails were bloody.

“How long has she been in there for?”

“A few days.” Major Han stepped back, still holding the crowbar in hand as he watched whatever was inside begin to adjust to its freedom.

The hand gripping the edge of the crate clenched once before pressing down. In a slow moment Byulyi saw dark brown hair come into view. It was cut a little bit above the shoulders. The woman slipped a little and she barely caught herself from lunging forward and helping. And then she lifted her head and Byulyi saw her face.

The woman’s face was expressionless and surprisingly round considering she had been starved for the past few days. Her eyes were slow-moving as they surveyed her surroundings with the laziness of a well fed tiger. It was as if she knew that one move and Byulyi and the Major would be dead in seconds.

Suddenly the eyes zeroed in on her and Byulyi swallowed. Those eyes were alarmingly lucid and she unconsciously gripped her gun just a little bit tighter.

“What’s her name?”

“She doesn’t have one.”

“What?”

The woman watched the exchange lazily, eyes flitting back and forth.

“That’s not even important honestly. Apparently she was an experiment that the Japanese had been working on during the Occupation period. When they left after World War II she traded hands and was put under North Korean care. And now she’s ours.”

“And what exactly is she?”

“A weapon. And a dangerous one at that.”

Byulyi hummed as she glanced at the bloody grey raggedy gown that covered the woman’s body.

“Dangerous?”

“That blood isn’t hers. Do you see her nails? That blood there is from when she clawed a man’s face nearly to shreds.”

“You watched that happen?”

“I had to see for myself what she was capable of.”

Byulyi scoffed.

“Men don’t seem to believe women are capable of killing unless they see it themselves.”

“After seeing you level a whole squadron with a few magazines, Byulyi, I don’t think that’s true for me. At least anymore.”

“Glad to have changed your heart on the subject, Major.”

Suddenly the woman in the crate started to fall, eyes fluttering closed. Byulyi wasn’t thinking as she lunged forward, gripping her by the armpit to help her remain erect. Wide brown eyes bore into hers and Byulyi just looked right back. There was something delicate about her from this close, she thought. It was almost impossible to believe that she was capable of killing men with her bare hands. But there in the glint of her eyes was something Byulyi had only seen once. It was her own reflection in the mirror after she had killed a man in the street to keep him from alerting his squadron of an enemy’s presence. The animalistic rage that quietly burned in her eyes was right there again in front of her.

“Are you hungry?” Byulyi asked quietly.

“They say she’s best with Japanese. Apparently her best phrases in Korean are ‘Kill’ and ‘Don’t kill.’”

Byulyi straightened, gently loosening her tight grip on the woman.

“And how does she know not to kill us?”

“She’s a weapon that doesn’t have a loyalty to a particular master. Think of her like the gun you’re holding in your hand. It doesn’t discriminate as long as you can shoot it.”

“Not even an allegiance to a country?”

Major Han shook his head, taking a step closer. The action had the woman tensing.

“It’s alright.” The soft-spoken words had her snap her head towards Byulyi in an instant. She gently put the gun back in its holster and used her now free hand to help the woman step out of the crate. She was still a little affected by the drugs and she swayed into Byulyi, clutching at the collar of her shirt to find purchase. Instinctually, Byulyi put her hands out to grab at her back.

“So we have a human weapon in our hands… What exactly is our purpose for her?”

The woman pulled back a little and their gazes met again. Something tugged painfully at Byulyi’s chest as she met the emptiness of her eyes with a half-upturned smile.

“It’s a gift from the base at Busan. To help kill as many Northerners as possible.”

She sighed and watched as the woman’s brow puckered in confusion at the action. Trying to soothe it, Byulyi smiled again, ignoring the guilt she felt at the prospect of using this woman as some kind of tool in war.

“What a wonderful gift we’ve been given, then.”


	2. First Name

_“Will you be able to do it?”_

 

_Byulyi swallowed as she looked up at her commander.  She was seventeen and small, clutching at the rifle strap on her shoulder like it was her lifeline._

 

_“Yes, sir!”_

 

_“Although you’ve been training for a year, the field is a different animal.  The reconnaissance work you’ve been assigned to could end in your death.”_

 

_Byulyi’s hands balled up into fists as she remembered the blaze of fire and the cries of her family muffled by gunshots._

 

_“There is nothing for me to go back to, sir. The Liberation Army is all I have.”_

 

_The commander gave her a hard look, the dim light from the lantern reflecting off his glasses._

 

_“The Liberation Army is all Korea has as well.”_

 

Byulyi jolted up, panting as she felt her face sticky with sweat. She realized sluggishly that she was on her back at headquarters, the cold ground buffered by the jacket she’d been using as a pillow.  Barely hiding a large yawn, she sleepily sat up as she observed the girl leaning against the wall, silently watching Byulyi.

 

The gaze was unnerving to say the least, alarmingly empty and yet strangely predatory like a snake’s.  

 

“Good morning,” Byulyi muttered tersely as she reached for her gun bundled in her jacket.  The other woman said nothing and just stared at her with those frightening eyes.

 

Byulyi had offered to sleep at headquarters and keep an eye on the woman while everyone else dispersed across the war-torn streets of Seoul.  She was the best with her gun anyway after her stint with the Liberation Army for nearly four years.  Byulyi also knew that Major Han would feel guilty about killing someone whereas she had done it too many times to count.

 

“ _Breakfast_?” the woman asked in Japanese, her voice raspy from disuse.  Byulyi flinched.  It had been awhile since she’d heard that language in Korea.

 

_“If you can’t speak in Japanese, why don’t we cut out that tongue of yours so you can’t speak at all!”_

 

“Breakfast,” Byulyi repeated in Korean.  The other woman just blinked owlishly in response.

 

“Breakfast.”

 

Her mouth twisted a bit at the halting reply and she nodded in affirmation.

 

“You’re hungry? I didn’t know a weapon could get hungry.”

 

The other woman titled her head slightly like she didn’t understand.  With a sigh Byulyi stood and strode toward her.  Carefully she held her palms up as she squatted down.

 

“I’m going to undo the handcuffs.  And you’re going to stay still and not try to kill me.”

 

No response but big brown eyes blinking slowly at her.  Byulyi sighed and bowed her head as she examined the woman’s wrists which weren’t even rubbed raw.  She hadn’t attempted to escape in the night.  Just stayed chained to the table nearby in silence.  

 

She was used to captivity like some animal.  The thought made something twist in Byulyi.

 

Gently, she pulled her key from her jacket pocket, turning the woman’s hand over as she unlocked one of the manacles.  Byulyi flinched when she realized how close the other woman’s face was to hers.  She could feel the warmth from her breath tickling the side of her neck and she couldn’t help the shaky exhale that escaped from her lips.

 

“What are you doing?” she bit out through gritted teeth as the chains on the woman’s wrists clanked to the floor.  Byulyi tensed when she sensed the weapon move her hands.

 

Without thinking she had the weapon pinned on her back, hands braced painfully above her head.  Byulyi panted a bit as she straddled the woman’s thin hips, blowing a piece of stray hair from her eyes.  The weapon just looked up at her, eyes slightly wide but no resistance.

 

“What were you going to do?” Byulyi growled, mouth pulling back into a snarl.  And then the weapon began to move the hand clenched tightly in Byulyi’s grip. She dug into her position on the woman’s hips, pressing harder into the ground.

 

“If you are trying to kill me you’re doing a pretty bad job of it.”

 

The weapon stopped moving at that. And they just stared at each other.

 

“Well that’s certainly one way to wake up in the morning.”

 

Byulyi startled, whipping her head towards Hyejin who was leaning against the secret entry way with her arms crossed.  She hated the warm flush in her cheeks as she rose from her position.  Byulyi turned away before she had to make eye contact with Seulgi who entered along with the rest of the members of the group.

 

“I was unlocking her handcuffs so she could eat breakfast.”

 

“Is that safe?” Hyejin asked skeptically with a cocked brow as she sat at the only table in the room, not even waiting for Wheein to scoop up the papers scattered all over its surface.

 

Byulyi crossed her arms as she looked down at the weapon who merely remained prone on her back, eyes still meeting hers. 

 

“ _Are you hungry?”_ Byulyi asked in Japanese, wincing at how easily the language came back to her.  After being forced to speak it for seventeen years she had avoided saying a word at all costs.

 

She ignored the collective gasps behind her. 

 

_“Yes.”_

 

_“I’ll let you eat if you don’t hurt me.”_

 

The weapon slowly sat up on her elbows and there was something almost provocative about the way she peeked up at Byulyi from behind the hair covering her face. 

 

“A dog doesn’t bite its master.”

 

“You speak Korean.”  Byulyi glanced behind her at Major Han.  The man took off his raggedy jacket that served as his disguise when he was walking on the streets.

 

“Just that,” the weapon responded, ducking her head and letting the shorter curling hairs framing her face cover her eyes. 

 

“Do you have a name?”

 

The weapon shook her head once, eyes still on the ground.

 

Byulyi’s mouth twitched but she tried to keep her movements measured and professional as she knelt down again and helped with unlocking the woman’s other handcuff.

 

“If you try to act out there will be consequences,” Byulyi reminded quietly, hand lingering on the weapon’s wrist.  She squeezed once before letting go and took a step back, hand on the holster of her gun.  The room was filled with a tense silence as everyone waited in anticipation for whatever the weapon would do.

 

They would be disappointed because the weapon didn’t move at all.  There was something almost childlike with the way the woman slowly lifted her head and looked at everyone with glassy eyes. 

 

“Food?” she asked with an inquisitive head tilt.  And Byulyi couldn’t help the small smile that curled her lips.

 

“Wheein-ah, give the weapon something to eat will you?”

 

The other girl who had been clutching a stack of papers to her chest jumped a little but nodded. 

 

“R-right away!”

 

Byulyi turned back to watching the weapon.  Suddenly the girl reached for the sleeve of her long sleeved shirt.  In a flash she had a gun cocked and ready, trained on the movement.

 

“ _What are you doing_?”

 

The movement paused, small fingers clenching the worn material of the dirty cotton. 

 

“ _They always did this when I had breakfast._ ” The weapon mimed something with her hands.  Major Han stepped forward a little and stood next to Byulyi as they watched the girl pull up the sleeve of her shirt to just above her elbow. 

 

Along the crease of the woman’s elbow were distinct needle marks, some scars and some fresh. 

 

“They drugged her every day?” asked Hyejin in disbelief. 

 

Byulyi thought back to yesterday when the weapon had come out of the box, dizzy and uncoordinated.  Her fist clenched tightly and she slammed her gun onto the table in anger.  The sound made everyone turn toward her.  But the set of wide childlike eyes made Byulyi’s blood boil the most.

 

“ _Did both the Japanese and the Koreans do that to you?”_

 

A hesitant nod.

 

Byulyi cursed and grabbed at the jacket on the ground, .

 

“Where are you going? Moon Byulyi!”

 

She turned into Major Han who looked at her, his face smooth of any emotion save the tight purse of her lips.  What a model soldier, able to keep his face composed despite the horrific sight before them all, Byulyi thought.

 

“I’m getting air.”

 

“You need to stay here.  It’s just past dawn.  We’re not supposed to be seen by the Americans or our men.”

 

“I need some air.”

 

Major Han’s jaw clenched.

 

“If I commanded you to stay?”

 

Byulyi just laughed.

 

“I am no soldier, Major Han.  I was just a prisoner from the North before you freed me.  You can’t command a rankless civilian.”

 

With that she glanced at the weapon who was staring again.

 

Wordlessly she turned on her heel and walked away.   

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Byulyi cupped a hand over her cigarette as she lit it.  Around her feet were discarded butts that she had smoked in her frenzy. 

 

She blew smoke from her mouth like some dragon from a story her mother had told her years ago. 

 

“ _Long, long ago when the tiger smoked a pipe…_ ”

 

“Telling yourself a story?”

 

Byulyi startled.  She had been hiding behind a mound of rubble from a building a few blocks from the headquarters.  Sitting with her elbows balanced on her knees kept herself practically unnoticeable from any patrolling soldiers.

 

“Found me, Seulgi-yah.”

 

Byulyi looked up and smiled a little at the younger girl.

 

“I got worried.  You hadn’t returned for awhile.”

 

Seulgi walked around the huge piece of rubble, squeezing past and standing right above Byulyi.  She craned her head back to take the girl in.  Seulgi was wearing a long skirt that barely stopped at the ankles and an oversized army coat that was Byulyi’s. 

 

“You should go inside.  It’s cold out.”

 

Seulgi just wordlessly knelt down in the rubble, plucking the cigarette from Byulyi’s fingers.  Taking a drag, she exhaled with little trouble. 

 

“It upset you, right? That’s why you left.”

 

Byulyi’s mouth twitched as she observed the way Seulgi’s eyes watched her.  Those eyes had never judged her.  No matter what she had seen Byulyi do.  They still shone with the compassionate understanding that Byulyi had fallen in love with years ago.

 

“I just… after the Japanese left Korea I thought that there was hope that maybe this country would be able to rebuild itself from the sin of nearly forty years of colonization.  I missed nearly five years of course, being in prison.  But I just thought that maybe we wouldn’t be making the same mistakes.”

 

Seulgi gave Byulyi an unreadable look before taking another drag from the cigarette.

 

“I’m sorry that the first thing you saw after getting out of prison was the North and the South in a war.”

 

Byulyi chuckled bitterly.

 

“Honestly I wasn’t that surprised.  If you could be a soldier for the Freedom Army for four years and be thrown into prison just because you were from the North, I suppose anything’s possible.”

 

“Byulyi-unnie…”

 

“For so many years I clung onto the hope that I was fighting for something better.  I thought that maybe even if I died fighting against Japan I would be helping bring Korea a step closer to freedom.  But look at us.  Treating a woman like an animal and injecting her with drugs and forcing her to be some kind of attack dog. Maybe I should have just stayed in my cell.”

 

Seulgi looked away, tapping ash off the cigarette. 

 

“They wouldn’t have taken you to prison if you hadn’t been with me….”

 

Byulyi smiled a little and glanced at Seulgi who was looking at her.

 

“You know that’s not true.  They were rounding up anyone they thought was a Communist.  The only reason they didn’t kill me was someone from the Freedom Army vouched for my service against Japan for four years.”

 

“But you had been taking care of me and my uncle… he… for the reward money… even though I was from the North too-”

 

“Seulgi,” Byulyi warned.  After she had found the other girl when she had been freed they had this conversation constantly. It had torn their relationship apart. And yet they still went round and round in circles. 

 

“It’s not your fault.”

 

Seulgi sighed and reached for the collar of Byulyi’s shirt, smoothing the rumpled edge.  Her fingertips skimmed the warm skin of Byulyi’s neck and the closeness made her hold her breath.  Without thinking she gripped Seulgi’s wrist.

 

“It’s not your fault,” Byulyi repeated softly, watching the way the other girl’s gaze moved all over her face to avoid eye contact. “Seulgi.”

 

The other girl nodded again and gently pulled from Byulyi’s grip. 

 

“Do you feel like you can go back now?”

 

“Ready to leave our perfect hideout?”

 

“Our perfect hideout isn’t here.”

 

Byulyi smiled slowly thinking of a memory that was so long ago that it was almost edged with grey.  The two of them high up on a hill with a sunset painting the houses below, two flower crowns woven together with freshly plucked daisies. 

 

“Do you think that place is still there?” Byulyi asked quietly.  After the Japanese had left, it had been by dumb luck that Seulgi had been South of the border placed by the Americans and the Soviets to visit her uncle.  Byulyi had been with the Freedom Army, celebrating the victory in Seoul.  They had both not seen their hometown since the two Koreas had separated abruptly and without exception.

 

“When this is all over, I’d love to see it with you someday. Like we used to.”

 

Byulyi ducked her head and ignored the way her chest painfully clenched.  Even if it all looked the same, would it truly be the same place, she wondered.  They both stood to return to headquarters, careful not to brush against each other. 

 

* * *

 

__

Byulyi stood, wordlessly staring at the scrap of wood with a hastily painted target.  It was swinging precariously, the nail fastening it to the tree almost popping out.

 

“You have impressive aim,” observed Byulyi with a hand in her pocket.  She glanced at the weapon who still had her arms raised with a gun in hand.  It was like she was waiting for a command before she could relax her posture.  With a sigh Byulyi strode forward and gripped the muzzle of the gun, eyes narrowing.  The weapon seemed to relax at the proximity, fingers loosening until her arms dropped to her sides and Byulyi was left holding a smoking gun.

 

“They weren’t lying when they called you a weapon.”

 

“Am I done?”

 

Byulyi watched the way the weapon’s fingers clenched and unclenched around the oversized sleeves of her long jacket.  It was child-like how small her hands were.  Maybe that explained the horror that churned faintly in Byulyi’s stomach.

 

“I brought you out here to assess you true capabilities as a weapon of use in the fight against the North.”

 

The weapon raised her head and Byulyi swallowed at the way the other woman stared at her.  She had been at the secret base for little more than a month.  Things had been fairly quiet in their spot at Seoul but Byulyi still had a duty to evaluate if this particular weapon was up to the high standards she’d been recommended with.  So, this morning she’d dragged her outside of the city limits to a secluded area on the side of some unnamed mountain for a round of sparring and target practice.   

 

“Have I been assessed to your standards?  Do I please you?”

 

“Pleasure has no role here.”

 

The weapon blinked slowly as if Byulyi had said a joke that she didn’t understand.

 

“Do you have a name?”

 

“What?”

 

“A name.  Besides ‘the weapon.’”

 

Byulyi studied the way the other woman bowed her head, her longish bangs hiding her eyes from view.  She’d been speaking more and more with each passing day and Wheein’s eager efforts to share the wonders of the Korean language.  But there were moments like this one where it seemed like speaking was a chore that exhausted her.  The tiredness would strain her jaw and make her gaze half-lidded.

 

“A name is important for this assessment?”

 

“I can’t have a nameless soldier fighting alongside me.”

 

“I am no soldier.”

 

“Neither am I.”

 

That made the weapon frown and she raised her head in curiosity.  Her nose scrunched a little as she studied the way Byulyi stared steadfastly back at her.

 

“You aren’t a soldier?”

 

“I worked for the Liberation Army for four years.  And then after that I was in prison until this war started.  I suppose I’m a bit like yourself.  Only used as a weapon when convenient.  I don’t even know if I have a side any more.”

 

“Why were you in prison?” the weapon asked quietly.

 

“I don’t know.  I asked myself that every day for a year but then it stopped mattering.”  Byulyi began to reach for her pack of cigarettes before remembering that she’d left them at the base.

 

“I used to live somewhere that used to be a prison.  For years and years.  It was covered in snow for more than half the year.  Sometimes I would look at the snow… and wonder.”

 

Byulyi watched as the weapon tipped her head back and her eyes fluttered in the vestiges of dawn, warming her pale skin orangey-yellow in the growing light.  There was something wild in how her dark hair framed her face, not quite revealing the entirety of her expression.

 

“What did you wonder?”

 

The weapon reached forward and slid her finger slowly along the flat muzzle of the gun still in Byulyi’s hand.

 

“I’d wonder what it would be like… to leave that prison and fall into that white snow.  And disappear with the spring.”

 

They stared at each other then and Byulyi thought of that cold prison where she’d rotted away for years.  She’d cursed every god and name imaginable as she banged her head against the rough walls.  She’d fought for her country’s freedom and just as the gates had been opened they’d slammed shut and she’d been some careless casualty lost in the highs of success.  Byulyi would stare at the tiny window in her cell and when a little bit of snow melt would occasionally flutter into her room, she’d hold out a hand and watch as it melted away in her palm. 

 

“I understand the feeling,” she muttered roughly as she yanked the gun away.  She started to walk toward the target she’d hung up.

 

“Yongsun.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“That was my first name.  For a few years.”

 

Byulyi nodded slowly as she raised her gun at the target.  With an easy squeeze she shot out a bullet that caused the piece of wood to split clean in two.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

The war was going smoothly.

 

Until it wasn’t.

 

And Byulyi found herself sitting in a chair with a man blindfolded and wrists bound.

 

“They say he will not talk.”  Major Han adjusted the rolled up sleeves of his shirt as he handed Byulyi a thick stack of files.  She wrinkled her nose as she pushed them away. 

 

“I simply need to get the information we seek and then our problem’s solved.  I don’t need to learn about him.”

 

Major Han swallowed and the nervous habit made Byulyi raise her head and squint at her superior.

 

“What troubles you, sir?”

 

“We need to know if the North is planning another wave with the renewed support from China.  But…”

 

“But?”

 

“But this man may be someone you’re familiar with.  Because he also had a stint with the Freedom Army.  And he’s originally from the North.”

 

Byulyi’s shoulders stiffened and she squinted as she tried to take in the features of the person in front of her, obscured too much by the dim lighting and the discoloration of multiple beatings.

 

“Regardless of who this man is, Major Han, I know where my loyalties lie.”

 

Their eyes met and Byulyi’s stomach churned at what was undeniably pity in the dark set of the other man’s jaw. 

 

“Feel free to leave.  I can conduct this interrogation by myself if necessary.”

 

“I was told to observe.”

 

“Because of transparency? Or because of distrust?”

 

Major Han breathed heavily through his nose.

 

“Byulyi, you have proven time and time again your loyalty to the South.  I don’t doubt that.”

 

“But Headquarters doesn’t know me like you do, Major Han.  They look at me and they see a potential double agent for the North.  It’s why they put me in prison in the first place, you know.”

 

Major Han opened his mouth to interject but Byulyi simply raised a hand to silence him.  With a new set to her jaw, she reached forward and untied the blindfold covered the seated man’s face. 

 

When their eyes met she shakily put her hands in her pockets.

 

“B-Byulyi…” he choked out, his eyes filling with tears.  She bit on the inside of her cheek so hard her mouth filled with blood.  Looking away from the captured Northern soldier she tried to ignore the beginning of a headache pounding at her temples.  When she turned back around, she tried to forget the familiarity of the man’s name on her lips and the warm memories of a shared past.

 

“I’ve been told that you have some information that could be of use to us.”

 

“Byulyi… why are you doing this?  How could you give yourself to _them_?”

 

She crossed her arms over her chest as she exhaled slowly through her nose. 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> blame this on my stir-crazy post thesis mind, binge-watching Violet Evergarden (AN ANIME YOU SHOULD ALL WATCH), and loving moonsun too much


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